Nostalgic Much?

I’ve been having this really nagging feeling at the back of my head.  For some reason, over the past few months, I’d even dare to say over the past year plus, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about reconnecting with my past.  I think it really started when I was able to find a friend whom I knew in elementary school, and found that despite the years we’ve spent apart, and whatever events in our lives may have shaped us in that time, we were still capable of being really good friends.  Since that time, I’ve been on sort of a hunt for people through the course of my life that I’ve considered important, and have always regretted letting them fade into the background of my story.

Part of it has to do with nostalgia.  Fond memories of past events, or people tend to carry a lot of weight to them.  So much weight in fact, that some people suffocate underneath it, and can only live in the past, unable to face the present, or plan for the future.  I’ve been fortunate that I have been, for the most part, able to live in the present.  However, I do still hold a lot of great memories from when I was younger, at least in my head. 

The danger in nostalgia is that you may remember things in a much better light than they were actually cast.  Psychologically, as we get older, it’s much easier to remember the good things, and ignore the bad things, if for no other reason than it’s to keep you sane.  This can lead to some pretty warped memories for those who have been through particularly trying times in their life, where it seems as if their very history has been rewritten.  This is how people can end up in severely abusive relationships, as they can only remember the good, and figure that the bad won’t last as long, despite the fact that it might have lasted over the course of the entire relationship already. 

Despite that, there is something rewarding when you have nostalgic memories of people, and later, when you reconnect with these people, you find that the relationship with these people only serve to further improve your memories of them in the past.  I can’t describe the feeling that you get when you see someone again after a very long time, I’m talking decades, and find that as much as you cherished the friendship and companionship that you had with them before, that when you’re with them now, it’s even better.  There’s just something supremely satisfying about feeling like holding onto the memory of a particular someone is validated because they’re still awesome so many years later.

I’ve always said it’s important that the people you choose to be in your life are good people.  To some degree, I apply this to people that I keep in my memories as well.  Obviously, memories are a little harder to control, and you will remember what or who you will remember, but there is still some conscious effort involved in trying to remember someone.  When you’ve taken that effort to remember that person, it’s nice to know it wasn’t time or energy wasted.

Of course, this extends to people beyond just friends.  One of the greatest pleasures in my life, and especially recently, has been reconnecting with teachers that I had always looked up to during my formative years.  Here were these people who you you relied upon to infuse you with knowledge, to assist in your growth as a person, and the majority of what you remember about them were their mannerisms in class, and how stern they were, or how much homework they gave you.  Years later, when they no longer feel the pressure of being responsible for your development as an adult, and they can let things go and just be themselves, you realize “You know, I knew I liked this person for a reason.” 

To find out your teachers were honestly HUMAN!  To find out their character flaws, and to know that they had similar thoughts to what you had during that same time period.  Intellectually, I knew all of this happened, but to hear it for yourself in person from the mouths of the very people you looked up to as you were going through your growing pains… the only reaction I could have was to laugh, and honestly, it felt so amazing to just connect with them on that level. 

To no longer have that wall of teacher and student, and to be able to relate as peers ( to a degree) has been a joy that I would never have thought plausible back then.  Admittedly, it’s still weird to call them by their first name when you spent so many years calling them Mr./Ms. Whatever, but it’s such a great feeling to actually be able to do that.  It almost feels like a rite of passage.  To graduate from, “Hey Mr. Blankity Blank” to “Hi Mike” or whatever their actual name is.  Maybe I’m just a recovering teachers pet (although anyone who knew me through high school could hardly call me that), but it’s nice to just see them again and learn more about who they were, and more importantly, who they are.

Overall, I think nostalgia is important, because it’s hard to know where you’re going when you don’t know where you’ve been.  Looking back to the past allows you to take stock of what you’ve done to get to the point of where you are.  However, it’s just as important to follow up on it, lest it stay just a pleasant memory, with no real basis in reality after too much time has passed.  To find out that things or people who filled you with so much joy in the past are still capable of doing so; I think that just makes the memories even better, but also, they help you to further your growth, because you realize that you haven’t been fooling yourself for all that time.  I believe, with that under your belt, you find yourself able to enjoy even more so, the new events and experiences that will come into your life.  I recommend reconnecting with your past.  It’ll make your future that much brighter.

Drunken Wisdom…

This is sort of an oxymoron.  Normally there’s nothing intelligent about anyone when they’re drunk.  However, I was out celebrating with some people tonight, so I thought I’d perform a little experiment.  This will be written with a relatively healthy buzz in place, with no edits (save for grammatical errors later on for ease of reading) and what’s basically on my mind.  Maybe it’ll be fun, maybe it’ll be retarded, but I like to try these little experiments, so bear with me.

So what’s on my mind?  Not much to be honest, mainly because the world is a wonderful place right now.  I guess it depends on what kind of drunk you are (I tend to be a happy drunk) but right now, all of my worries are sort of not important.  Focus is difficult enough (which is funny to say considering I’m trying to type this out), so thinking about things that require a lot of introspection or forward thinking is not exactly very high on my list of priorities.

My sense of balance is a bit off, as I was playing beer pong earlier (something I will likely never do again) and I kept crashing into things…. people, tables, chairs, etc etc.  However, who cares?  Everyone had a laugh.  The one thing I’ve been fortunate with is that I”m not a blackout drunk, or someone who makes a complete fool of themselves when I’ve had a few.  Coordination is always a problem though, but I think I can focus just enough to keep myself from falling into the train tracks on the way home, or anything similar to that.

The most interesting thing is that despite my inhibitions being quite loose (certain conversations that I can’t mention here), I’m still capable of intellectualizing the situation and take the proper steps.  What do I mean?  Basically, instead of letting my body take over, and the drunkenness take over my actions, I can still think, and at least see consequences of my actions.  This is pretty true no matter how far gone I may be, so I’m fortunate in that sense.  Admittedly, I’ll say some outrageous things when I’m nice and tipsy (some of which those of you who know me have heard and have had a good laugh), but I’ll still be relatively collected.

I guess paying attention to how I feel now, I’ll never understand how people allow themselves to get to the point where they’re so drunk they don’t remember where they were, or what they did.  I’m in a good place right now, and this is probably what the purpose of a good buzz is, in order to divert yourself away from the heavy things on your mind, but people take it too far, and end up completely losing themselves.  I have always found it important to maintain my self, my presence, so maybe I don’t let myself get too far gone, but I find it hard to understand why people would willingly allow themselves to end up in a wreck.  It boggles the mind. 

Anyway, this is short and sweet, cause I’m sleepy, but maybe I’ll expand on this another day.  Either when I stumble home from a long night, or when I’ve had more time to think about the concept of being inebriated.  Anyhoot, till next time.

Bifurcated…

After suffering through writer’s block for the majority of the last week, I think I’ve finally figured out what to write about.  It’s going to get a bit personal, because it’s mainly dealing with my emotions over the last month, so feel free to ignore it.  I just needed to get my mind cleared, because something has been gnawing at me for a while now, and I think I’m finally able to express it… although it may kinda suck.

I’ve been bouncing back and forth between intense depression and an irresistible urge to create.  This has been expressed by a lack of desire to do anything, followed by periods of intense blog writing or cooking.  This in turn has led me to feel more tired than at any other point in the past several years, which is saying a lot considering how long I’ve held multiple jobs, and working nearly 80 hours a week for several months during that stretch.  Emotionally, I’ve been a bit of a mess, and I honestly haven’t had much success in figuring out how to level everything off.

My moods appear to be paralleling the upcoming decision that I’ll have to make, and I’ve been wracking my mind in order to make sense of it all.  What is this decision you ask?  Well, even if you didn’t ask, I’ll tell you, because I can do that with my own blog.  It’s a simple enough question, but with implications that will affect the direction my life will go.  This is it: should I stay or should I go?

As many of you know, my wife has left for Japan to teach in the JET program.  She will be there for a minimum of a year.  I had originally applied for the opportunity to go there through the same program as well, but I was unfortunately rejected.  This led to the current situation where, with our wedding anniversary less than two weeks away, we are literally on opposite ends of the Earth.  I have been lamenting this fact ever since I learned that she was accepted and decided to go.  Although the anniversary is technically just another day, especially considering we’ve been together for almost 5 years now, there is something to be said for having made it to our first anniversary as a married couple.  Us being apart on that day has been harder on me than I’ve let on.  I hate it, but there’s not much I can do about it, as it’s all but impossible for us to be together that day. 

Anyway, as you can see, the main problem is the distance.  I hate the fact that we have to be apart.  The simplest solution to rectifying this problem is to pick up and move to Japan.  Some of you might be saying, “and?  If it’s the simplest, then go for it.”  However, as with many things in life, the simplest answer may not be the easiest.  By going, I am taking quite a risk, and to be honest, it’s a scary proposition. 

The risk lies in the fact that I’d have to leave everything behind, including my job.  As anyone knows, leaving a perfectly good job is a difficult idea to follow, as there seems to be a pretty high unemployment rate out there.  In line with this, I’m a person who needs security in his life, and picking up and leaving for Japan without prospects of a job honestly feels a bit shortsighted to me.  It might be fun while I’m there, with my wife taking care of me, but what happens when the program ends?  Sure, there’s a chance that I might be able to get a job out there, but there’s just as much likelihood that I won’t, and to me, that seems more likely, since I don’t speak the language. 

However, this isn’t the only reason why I’m hesitant to go.  My main problem with going is leaving everyone behind.  My family and my friends.  I’ve spent a lifetime building these relationships, and while I know moving away doesn’t mean that these relationships will end, it does put a severe strain on them.  We’ve all heard of the phrase “out of sight, out of mind.”  I’d hate to lose touch with all of these people that have meant so much to me.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I would gladly give my life for any one of my friends.  If I’ve chosen to have you in my life, and if I call you a friend, then you know I’ll have your back, in whatever capacity I can help.  The people in my life mean so much more than people might think, to the point where I’m not sure I could ever properly express it. 

Of course, there are just as many reasons to go.  First and foremost, as I’ve stated already, I hate being apart from my wife.  After finally finding the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I’m forced to be apart from her.  That’s pretty damn ridiculous.  Of all the people in my life, she is the most important, without question, and that takes precedence over nearly anything else. 

Secondly, it might just be time for me to take a risk.  I’ve played it relatively safe my entire life, especially when it comes to my job.  I’ve done jobs where I’m naturally skilled at it, what with all of my jobs centering around computers in some way or another.  I love technology, but having to do it as a job kind of kills some of the joy.  Not to mention I’ve been doing it for so long, there are times where I definitely feel bored with it.

On top of all of this, there are a lot of circumstances that have to be dealt with as well.  First, if I do decide to go to Japan, my wife would first have to be offered the opportunity for additional time there, as going there for a mere six months is just taking a stupid risk. It would take me that long just to get comfortable, not to say find a job.  Second, there is the possibility that I may be able to gain a promotion at my job that would give me a whole new set of responsibilities, primarily that of being in a management position.  That would honestly renew my interest in the job, as well as provide me the opportunity to work just one job instead of the two that I’m doing now.  It would be an incredible opportunity, and I’d be foolish to pass it up, as it would improve my resume and my life in general for the future. 

There just feels like so many decisions to be made, so many things that have to happen, and consequentially, so many things on my mind.  It feels like I can’t stop thinking about all of this, and it’s wearing me out.  I hate the fact that I have to choose between my life here, that I’ve spent so much time building, and my life with my wife, which would be an adventure.  I really wish I could do both, but I can’t exist in two places at once.  I feel like I’m being pulled apart into two completely opposite directions, and I don’t know how to handle it.  I’m not sure which way is the best way to go, and unfortunately, I’m someone who hates to act, in fact I’m pretty much paralyzed, unless I’m sure.  I’m going to have to make a decision soon though.  I guess all I can do is to make the decision, and hope for the best. 

At least I was able to get it out of my head for now.  Putting things down into words that can be read, examined, and considered is kind of cathartic.  Hopefully getting it out there will help me come to a decision.  Whatever happens, wish me luck.  I know I’m going to need it.

Faith and Misery

Ok, this one might make me a few enemies.  Faith is always a touchy subject, but I’ve been thinking about this for what seems like forever, and I’m in the right frame of mind to expound on some of my thoughts.  Feel free to comment, good or bad.  I’d like to hear your thoughts, because I’ve got a ton of questions, and definitely no answers.  I do have an idea though.  Get comfy, because this is going to be a long one…

Personally, I’ve always had an issue with religious faith.  I could never wrap my mind around something that had no proof.  The practice of religious faith seems to me to be having a belief in a greater being that is supposed to watch over you, and wishes you nothing but the best, but when things go horribly wrong for you, it is just part of his (and usually it’s a he for some reason) ultimate plan.  You’re not supposed to question it, you’re not supposed to lament it; you’re just supposed to accept it, appreciate that you have the life you have, and continue having faith that everything will work out, as long as you believe in the greater being.  For those of you who have great faith, that may have been an insulting summary, and I apologize if you took it that way, but that is honestly how I understand it.  I am just presenting my perspective on it, because that is what I have observed of this peculiar phenomenon called religious faith.

The thing that has always gotten me about this type of faith is that it almost seems that you are praised for not questioning.  As long as you follow all the rules, perform all the rituals, and never blaspheme against this higher power, you are considered a pious and faithful person, and fellow followers expect you to be rewarded for this behavior in the next life.  How is it possible that when bad things happen, these people are still able to keep such strong faith?  Losing a child, being disfigured, getting financially ruined, war, disease, crime, etc, etc.  All of these things exist in this world, and yet people are still capable of believing in a higher being that loves and cares for them.  I’m honestly confused.

Now, let me clarify something before I get any further, and before someone decides to call me a godless heathen.  I do not follow any organized religion, and I do not prescribe to any religious dogma or ritual.  However, this does not mean I am an atheist.  I do not believe that there is no god, or that there was no higher power that may have helped to begin everything.  I just honestly don’t know, and I’m not going to proclaim to have the answer one way or the other.  All I have are questions, ideas, and hypotheses.  As I have mentioned in prior entries, I am not arrogant enough to claim that I know the answers.  All I can do is keep an open mind, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept everything that is placed in front of me.  When there is a lack of consistency, or evidence of proof, I am inclined to ask questions, and dig around a bit in order to discover, if not the answer, then at least the reasons why the questions must exist in the first place.  This may of course just lead to more and more questions, but that’s just the kind of guy I am.  I warned you I’m kind of strange.

Having said that, this is my take on organized religion.  I believe that a long time ago, when people were first creating language and became truly self-aware, there was a need for something to unify them.  There is nothing quite as frightening as realizing that you’re going to die, and that there is nothing you can do about it.  In order to provide peace and comfort, someone put together a message that was presented to the masses in order to calm their fears.  “There is life after death, there is something beyond this life.”  When this was generally accepted, it’s possible that people became reckless and began to act as if there was nothing to lose.  In order to quell this rising tide of anarchy and chaos, they instilled fear into people with the threat of eternal torment in order to bring order.  When this proved to be effective, people found that you could use this power to their own advantage, and created rules and rituals that benefited the “leaders” of the religions. 

Why would I think this?  Well, because if there truly were a god that is all powerful, why would he or she or it (they really do need to come up with a pronoun that applies to an omnipotent being with no gender because “it” always feels like you’re referring to an inanimate object or a dumb animal) need to rely on a human in order to deliver its message?  Oh, I know the reasons that are given.  “Only the chosen ones can understand the message",” or “the common man would be unable to fathom the message,” or my favorite, “"if god talks to you, your head will explode.” ( That last one was from the movie “Dogma,” and may not be actual religious canon, but it’s still my favorite)  To all of these claims, I simply posit the question, “If god is so powerful… don’t you think he’d be able to get his message across to anyone and everyone that he wanted to?”  Oh, and for those who go “He’s always talking to us, there are those of us just not listening,” I point you to examples in the Bible where God decided to destroy the world with a flood, and Sodom and Gamorrah with meteors.  I’ve noticed any time I ever bring these questions or examples up to those who are highly religious, I am normally met with a look of disgust, and the comment “You just don’t understand faith.”  At which point, I want to yell, “EXACTLY! THAT’S WHY I”M ASKING!”

The biggest fault I can find with organized religion is the fact that everything is communicated by humans.  The same humans that throughout history have proven to be capable of lying, cheating, stealing, and manipulating others in order to reach their own ends.  Everyone knows the phrase “absolute power corrupts absolutely” (and if not, I’ve brought it up a handful of times myself") and when you have the ability to influence thousands, if not millions of people, then I would consider that about as close to absolute power as you can get.  How can anyone be sure that the originators of modern day religions were not simply really charismatic scam artists?

Modern day religions remind me of this little allegory I once heard.  There once was a cage of monkeys.  In one end of the cage was a banana, on the other end stood 6 monkeys.  Whenever a monkey would approach the banana, a hose would be turned on all of them.  Eventually, the monkeys were trained to associate approaching the banana with getting hosed.  This was then followed by replacing one fo the monkeys with a new monkey.  Inevitably, the new monkey would approach the banana, but the other 5 monkeys would grab at the monkey, possibly beating it or doing whatever they could to keep the monkey from approaching the banana.  Eventually, the new monkey would learn not to approach the banana for fear of being assaulted.  When this point has occurred, another of the original monkeys is replaced, and as with the first, it too would approach the banana.  However, now, the previous new monkey would attack the newer monkey along with the originals, because that had been what had happened to it.  This would continue until all the original monkeys were replaced.  Eventually, you would have 6 monkeys that were never hosed, who would still not approach the banana for fear of violent denial.  Why?  Because that’s how it’s always been done.

I’m not calling religious followers monkeys.  Far from it, because some of the most intelligent people I know are highly religious.  The only reason I bring up the story is because sometimes, people do things without finding out the reasons why they do it.  It almost feels like people are afraid to ask questions, because they are scared to find out that the things that they’ve been doing all along have no point.  They don’t want to feel as though they’ve wasted their life and their time, so they continue on in their behavior, because it’s easier than dealing with the possibility that things might not be what they appear to be.  This goes for more then just religious practices by the way.  It’s evident in any organization where practices have been in place for decades if not centuries.  You see it all the time, where people are wasteful, or do nonsensical things, and when you ask them why, they’ll tell you “Because that’s how it’s done.”

After reading this, or for the people who know me and are followers of religion, the question is inevitably posed, “So what do you have faith in?”  My faith lies within myself, and with the people I choose to have in my life.  I believe that through my own ability, and through the actions of my friends and family, that things will ultimately end up, if not great, then right.  I have faith that the people I have chosen to be in my life will always do what is best for themselves and for me, and that they would not willingly bring me any harm, as they believe that I will do no harm to them.  This faith has been rewarded time and time again, and I couldn’t be happier with the people that I have in my life. 

I figure this.  You wouldn’t trust or have faith in someone that has screwed you over several times, right?  So how can people believe in any god that would continually allow horrible things to happen to them, or allow bad things to happen in the world or general?  For those who bring up the concept of “free will” to explain away some of the issues, I’m applying my logic towards disease, natural disasters, or just horrible bad luck.  There has never been an explanation that has satisfied my curiosity towards that question.  So please, if you have a point of view that I may not have considered, share it.  I really want to know how it’s possible.

What’s your pleasure, what is your pain?

Yeah, I stole this title from a song lyric. If you know where it comes from, kudos! If not, then you’ll just have to find out what’s on my Zune, cause I got it from something that I’m listening to now.

Anyway, I was pretty political with the last blog, so I feel it might be time to bring back some of the philosophy, and it’s triggered by this nagging feeling I’ve had recently. This feeling, in turn, led to some pretty long conversations, which of course brings it here for you wonderful people to peruse. So maybe I should get into it huh?

For quite a while now, I’ve lived a pretty typical existence. I’ve done what your average person has done, been through what your average person has been through. I think you know what I’m talking about; going to school, going to college, finding a job, getting together with friends for drinks on occasion, etc. But there’s always been one thing that I’ve always felt has been missing, and the strange thing is I’m not sure I’m missing it because I actually miss it, or because I’m supposed to miss it. What is this mysterious thing that I’m talking about?

To put it plainly, it’s a passion for something. To have something that drives me, that I would devote myself to if given the opportunity. I’m not speaking simply of a hobby that I have some interest in, I’m speaking of something that you spend the majority of your free moments thinking about, something that you would somehow figure out a way to do for the rest of your life which might have the possibility of making a living from it, but in reality, you would do it regardless of any income. When I think about my life, I don’t recall any such feeling. I just recall feeling the need to move on to the next thing, in order to make sure my life proceeded “correctly”, at least by the standards that I had set for myself, which were, in and of themselves, based on the standards that I saw of everyone around me. I’m not sure if there’s anything that defines who I am.

Please understand, it’s not that I am without passion. I believe I am passionate on any number of subjects, and hopefully, through some of the things you’ve read from me, that you have seen the evidence to back up that claim. However, to have something that you absolutely love doing, that nearly consumes your being, and helps to define who you are, THAT is the thing that seems to be missing from my life. I seem to see it in nearly everyone around me, and yet, when I think of myself, there just isn’t that same identifier, that thing that I’m known for. I wonder if that’s not the reason for my general malaise, and near apathy about life in general.

However, at the same time, is such a thing really necessary? I wonder about the need to be completely consumed. Of those I’ve seen who have that passion, at least half of them seem to suffer for their craft. While they may say that they enjoy it, because the final product (whatever it may be) is well worth the effort, I have to wonder about how good it must be for their health. I know myself, I hate suffering. I can’t stand the idea of feeling utterly hopeless because of something that I love doing, either because I can’t do it, or I’m not doing it well. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so I know what my reactions would be like if I was passionate about something, but sucked at it. If it was a lifelong passion, that would only cause greater suffering. Granted if I were to have a lifelong passion, there’s no guarantee which direction I would end up, since that’s one of life’s little tricks. If I knew beforehand how much I would enjoy something, that would make everything so much easier, but life, of course, doesn’t work that way.

So now you see my dilemma. I long for something to define me, something that I love to do, but at the same time, I’m not sure if I really need it. I’ve felt for some time now that I’m just sort of doing the things that I’ve always needed to do, things that are expected of me, in order to progress through life. However, I want to have something for myself that I truly want to do, although I have yet to discover what it is, if in fact there is such a thing. Do I need it in order to live a happy and fulfilled life? I haven’t the faintest idea. I just know that for the time being, that’s what I want, but is it really something I need? Well, the wants vs needs argument is something I’ll save for another time, but suffice it to say, this has been causing me some degree of difficulty, thinking about this matter. Alas, I may never find an answer, because it requires something to just hit me, and inspire the passion within me, and there’s no guarantee that this sort of thing happens for everyone.

I guess what it really comes down to, for me anyway, is that I really wonder how other people come to find these passions of theirs. It seems as if it is just implanted at birth, and that it grows and blooms at some period in their life (normally pretty early) and it acts as a driving force behind their growth and the evolution as a person. If that were the case, am I just a really late bloomer in that regard, or do I just not have that seed? More questions to ponder, more things to fill my mind. Well, at the very least, I have this landing dock for the nonsense in my head.

Knee jerk reaction?

So today, President Obama threw his support behind the building of a mosque within the area of where the World Trade Centers used to be. I’m waiting for the eventual cries of “HE’S REALLY A SECRET MUSLIM!! SEE?!?! THIS PROVES IT!!” While these reactions are pretty damn ridiculous, I can see why people might feel that way. Despite everything that has happened since September 11th, 2001, Obama has been incredibly tolerant of nearly all things Muslim. Even though we are currently at war with two separate Muslim nations, and on the precipice of war with another, he still feels that accepting them as part of our country is the right thing to do. What is he thinking?

I think I can summarize it in about 7 words. “This is the United States of America.” This is a nation where our ideals are supposed to be our guiding force. One of these ideals is complete religious freedom, and a separation of church and state. This means that unless these people are breaking the law, then no one, not the government, not the public, should be allowed to stop them from doing what is completely within their rights. Just because you may not like it, and believe there is some sacred reason why they should not be there, doesn’t give you or anyone the right to shut them out.

For all of those out there who might be inclined to call me a hippie liberal, kudos to you for the original thinking (cough cough). But really, there’s a lot more going on here than mindlessly following along with people who you may believe to be part of some liberal, out of touch, bleeding heart, know-nothings. I have lived in New York my entire life. In fact, I spent a couple of years working in that area prior to 9/11. I have a lot of fond memories of that area, and I was as outraged by what happened as much as, if not more so than a lot of people out there. However, the people who are involved with the building of this mosque have nothing to do with the people who attacked the US. They are nothing like those animals, and they should be treated the same as anyone else.

I remember when they first announced that they might be building a mosque in that area. As soon as I heard it, my first thought was, “Oh boy, here we go now. It’s going to be months of people yelling about why they shouldn’t be there, how they have to take into account everything that happened there.” As it turned out, I was right. There was such a fast knee-jerk reaction, that you could almost feel the collective city of New York spasm. The overwhelming reaction was, “WTF! OMG! I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY'RE EVEN CONSIDERING THIS!” As soon as they heard “Muslim” and “World Trade Center,” the collective rage nearly made the city glow red.

Here’s the thing about this reaction... it’s not even consistent. You know where else there’s a mosque? In the Pentagon. You know, that other place that got attacked on 9/11? Yeah, the place that also happens to be a government facility. In fact, it’s the defense center of our country. I wonder how many people remember that part. It wasn’t just the WTC, there were other planes, and other people who died in the same horrific way. Strange how there was no public outcry about that. I guess it wasn’t high profile enough.

Even barring that, look throughout history. There have been crimes committed by every race, religion, and culture on this planet. Have we condemned everyone? People are being killed in the name of some god everywhere on this planet, at any given time, even in the name of the Christian god which this country seems to love so much. Have we condemned the Christian faith? No, because we know these people who commit heinous crimes in the name of some god aren’t really doing it for that reason, they’re only using it as a rationalization. These people would kill in the name of Spongebob Squarepants if there was nothing else.

It’s all too easy to pick on the odd man out, and right now, Muslims are that man. Considering how many Muslims there are in this world (at last estimate, it was something like 1.5 billion), the group of radicals that we’re facing now who claim to be committing acts while calling themselves Muslim is an incredibly small number. Anything can be twisted into a caricature of itself in order to serve someone’s own ends. The vast majority of Muslims are peace loving citizens, the same as everyone else. The same way that the hate exhibited by US citizens towards Muslims is based on the worst of them, is the same way all the world hates the US because of the worst of us. Neither one is justified.

Ultimately, it comes down to whether or not we should hold ourselves to a higher standard. What is the real reason people want to bar the mosque from being built on the WTC site? My opinion is that it is based on a petty need for revenge. The people involved with the mosque have absolutely nothing to do with the people who attacked us, yet just because they technically fall under the same religion as the others (although in reality, only in name), the public feels the need to vilify them, and to deny them what they are rightfully allowed to do. I believe that they want to build the mosque as an act of unity, in order to show that they support the country, and that they want to honestly be a part of it, not the negative view that so many people seem to have wherein they are putting the mosque there as some form of "victory dance. "It doesn’t help that a fair amount of politicians are trying to stoke the flames by denouncing it as an “assertion of Islamist triumphalism” (Newt Gingrich).

This is nothing more than a diversionary tactic, and in no way serves to make the American people safer, nor does it serve to end the war that we are engaged in with these radicals who claim to be part of the same group. Instead of upholding the Constitution that they are sworn to protect, certain politicians are ignoring it completely (when it’s convenient) and are using the situation as another chance to scare people to agree with their point of view.

As you can guess by reading this, I support the mosque. I think it needs to be done, in order to show the world that we’re not anti-Muslim, because the people we’re fighting aren’t really Muslim. They’re crazy bastards with a rationalization, and we shouldn’t give them the satisfaction of being allowed to use a religion to raise more support for their insane cause. I’m not religious by any means, but I still respect everyone's right to believe in what they want to believe. The people who want to build this mosque should be allowed to practice their religion freely, and in the place of their choosing. As long as they don’t do anything negative to others, why should we stop them?

Moral Responsibility (aka WTF are they thinking?)

This was supposed to be the first blog, and this is now the fourth time I’ve restarted this (computer problems, rewrites, brain farts) but I feel like this should be addressed. Hopefully all of these starts and stops served as practice…

So what is the latest thing on my mind? Well, it revolves around the things that are said and done by those that we hold in high esteem, or those in power. Now mind you, we don’t hold all the same people in high esteem, but we all do have people that we look up to, or at least trust to be an example. To clarify, I am speaking about those who have some form of celebrity. While some of what this blog will be about might have something to do with the personal heroes in your life, I’m aiming for people who are a little more far reaching, and have a good deal more exposure.

So who is this blog aimed at? I’m setting my targets on television personalities, politicians, high corporate bosses, and basically anyone who can reach a large audience and influence them with the things that they say or do. This, of course, is a bit of a wide category, but it’s not so much about the people between the crosshairs, as it is about the effect that they have on those who are under their power. So now, we get to the point. What is it exactly? Well, if you’ll just give me a moment, I’ll get to it. Sheesh, so impatient.

At what point did all of these people decide that they just stopped caring? I don’t mean in an apathetic “nothing matters in this world, life is shit” way. I mean at what point did it become all about personal gain? Actually, that’s probably a faulty question. If we look at people in power, it has always seemed to be those who are in power have always taken advantage of those they have power over. Hell, there’s even a saying, “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Maybe, the proper question to pose is, “At what point did these people in power get so stupid, that they couldn’t see their abuse of said power will only lead to the downfall of society, therefore leading to their complete and utter loss of power?” Whew, that was a mouthful.

Now that I’ve taken a breath (or a pause from typing), let me put forth some examples. First and foremost, look at the banking crisis that the country has just come through (or rather, that we’re still in the midst of). The heads of these banks allowed (and in fact encouraged) loans to people who had no serious hope of being able to pay it back. Now, I don’t understand all the wheeling and dealing behind the scenes that would make such a thing profitable, but did any of these people actually believe that this would lead to any long term wealth? It was a ticking time bomb waiting to happen, and when it exploded, it took out plenty of people with it. A lot of the people who got caught up in it could be considered innocent (although to be honest, why these people thought they could ever pay back these loans in the first place, is beyond me. That just speaks to a lack of personal responsibility, but that’s another blog), but a fair amount of people who were making these loans got caught up in it too, and there was a great deal of money lost. The biggest crime is that the ones in charge, the CEOs who thought up these plans, basically got away scot free. They all walked away with huge piles of money, while the ones they screwed are left holding the bill. However, what they fail to see is that by doing what they did, they have weakened the power of the economy itself, so all of that material wealth they gained will sooner than later amount to not much of anything. They may be living the high life right now, but many of these people live such extravagant lives (primarily because they have to keep up appearances that they are wealthy) that they burn through all their ill gotten gains pretty quickly.

Ok, so that’s corporate bigwigs. Who’s next? Well, let’s look at politicians. Now, here in NY, we’ve had some pretty huge political scandals in recent history. The one that comes to mind most clear is that whole mess with Pedro Espada and Hiram Monserrate switching political allegiance in order to gain power. This held up government for nearly a month, and when it was all said and done, nothing was accomplished except for the fact that Espada was given the Senate Majority Leader position. It didn’t improve the government at all, nor did it serve to actually change the power structure of the state senate, except for the fact that we now have an egomaniac in the highest position. At least there is some justice in this, because I guess when a politician decides to screw over other politicians, instead of just his constituents, they make sure they get paid back in spades. Currently, Monserrate has been kicked out because of his conviction in a domestic violence case. As for Espada, he’s being investigated for his other double dealings, in regards to his actual place of residence. Apparently, you can’t represent your district if you don’t actually live there, and you can’t just decide to take money from a non-profit and use it for personal expenses.. Oooooh, so that’s what it means to be a district representative. I guess Pedro forgot, and thought he could instead live in Mamaroneck, some 40 miles away from his actual district. I guess that’s what you call a “whoops!” Also,there are some questions as to funds related to Soundview Health Clinic, where he apparently used some of the non-profit’s funds for personal expenses. Oh, you mean that’s not his own personal piggy bank? Aw shucks, that’s just a simple mistake. I nearly half expected him to try to bat his eyelashes, pout, put his index finger on his lip and say, “I didn’t mean to…” while swaying side to side bashfully. After all of this evidence that shows what a dirtbag he is, he has the audacity to claim racism to those investigating him. He’s lucky his constituents haven’t chased him through the streets with torches and pitchforks, and hung him up by his toenails. I don’t know what kind of mind someone has to have in order to be so deluded into believing that they could get away with that kind of behavior.

Last, but definitely not least, I’m directing a great deal of ire towards television personalities who say the most outrageous things in order to get ratings. Prime target numero uno is Glenn Beck. In my opinion, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone who is so full of crap as this guy. For those of you who don’t know who he is, he’s a talking head on Fox News Channel. Prior to the election of Barack Obama to the Presidency of the United States, he was a pretty benign character. He was a typical Fox television personality. Toeing the line, agreeing with the Republican led government, never questioning what they did, always questioning anyone who questioned the government. However, ever since Obama became president, it’s like he’s reached a new level of crazy. To understand what I mean, I saw a segment on the “Media Matters” Youtube page that gave states that claim that Glenn Beck, since Obama’s election, has used the word “Nazi” over 200 times, the word “Fascist” or “Fascism” over 190 times, and “Hitler” over 140 times in reference to or to describe the current Democratic government. For those who are familiar with the term “reductio ad hitlerum,” you can see how absurd this man is. If you don’t know what what term means, it basically means as soon as you start using Nazis or Hitler to make a point, you’re immediately considered retarded. For example, if you’re getting into an argument, and someone whips out “Well you know what? That’s what Hitler did” in order to try to get the last word in, then you can immediately write them off as being a moron. This seems to be Mr. Beck’s only way of presenting an argument.

The problem is, there is a rather large group of people who haven’t written him off. In fact, they listen to what he says, absorb it, and make decisions based on it. How, you may ask? Some gun-toting, “patriotic American,” took Beck’s baiting, and decided to load up his truck with firearms, and proceed to wipe out an organization that Beck had repeatedly attacked as “a central player in a larger, nefarious cabal of Marxist/socialist/Nazi Obama-loving outlets determined to destroy democracy in America.” Hmmm… mass murder. I wonder if that’s what Beck means when he’s constantly telling people to “fight back” against the oppressive regime that is currently our government. Maybe he’s, I don’t know, just appealing to a simple-minded segment of the country in order to garner higher ratings, thereby increasing his popularity to get paid more? Naaaah… that couldn’t be it…

My point in all of this is that in all of these examples, there is one thing that all of these entities are failing to consider. Does what they do have a positive or negative effect on the greater good? Do any of them care about anything or anybody but themselves? Do they honestly believe that what they are doing is not wrong? If so, what kind of screwed up lives have they been living that would lead them to think that they’re right and righteous in their decision making? Where, in all of the actions described above, is the thought for their community, their fellow man, and society as a whole? Too often, people live by the phrase “I am not my brother’s keeper” in order to avoid responsibility for the things that they say, and things that they do in regards to those around them. This is not about keeping someone as you would a pet. This is about doing the right thing, so as to bring no harm to others.

This, I believe, to be one of the central codes of my own life. This is based on a decision that I made, not some rule placed on me by religion, forced down my throat by authorities, or secreted into my head by some form of brainwashing (at least I think…). But seriously, as a human being who actually has to live with other people, I believe that the most important code that anyone should live by, is to do no harm to others. It’s a simple rule, and yet, it seems these people, who have so much influence, who have so much power, can’t seem to get it. They will take advantage of anyone and anything in order to further their own agendas, to gain more for themselves, and to feed their own greed.

So where are the people of conscience? Where are the people who do care? Where are the people who can do something about this, and who will actually do the right thing? To be honest, I don’t know. Power is a difficult thing to gain, and the temptation to abuse it is great when you do get it. I’m not sure our society, as it stands, will produce a leader who can or will truly do the right thing. The only thing to do is to start small, start with yourself. Resolve to do no harm to others. We need a starting point, and that’s as good a one as any. Maybe, if enough of us resolve to do it, there will be a big enough movement. But who knows? Personal responsibility plays a big part in that, to be able to carry that on when things are tough. But like I said… that’s another blog.

PS. For those who are curious about some of the references I made up there, here's a list of some of the articles that I read that brought this to my attention.

Reductio Ad Hitlerum
"This is What Hitler Did": Beck's Obsessive Nazi Analogies
Eric Boehlert: Glenn Beck's Incendiary Angst Is Dangerously Close to Having a Body Count

Dealing with your own fortress of solitude

This was not originally going to be my first post, but the subject seems to be popping up a lot lately, so I figured I’d face it head on.

I’ve spent the majority of my life living with someone. In fact up until two weeks ago, I had never spent any significant amount of time alone. Whether it was living with my parents (26+ years) or living with my fiancée who’s now my wife (going on 2 years now), I’ve always had the presence and the aid of another person around the house. Thus, when my wife left to go to Japan two weeks ago, I was left to fend for myself for the first time in my entire life. This, to be honest, was a bit daunting. The concept of having to cook, clean, do laundry, and generally keep myself busy seemed like an overwhelming thing to do, because I’ve never had to do it all on my own. I’ve always had some help, and to realize that I’d have to handle it by myself made me worry about my health. The stereotype of a single man trying to maintain a home invariably leads to the man sitting amongst a huge pile of filth, severely malnourished (whether gaunt due to a lack of prepared meals, or obese because of too much fast food) and completely lacking in social graces. I feared this was the path I was headed towards, and one I wished most fervently not to travel down.

As the time has passed, I’ve begun to realize that I’m actually not that bad at holding my own when it comes to my home. It’s only been two weeks, but the house is still clean, I’m not starving to death, and I haven’t stagnated into an incoherent mess on the floor of my living room, staring at the ceiling, wondering when the apocalypse was coming. However, the one thing I’ve come to realize, and something I never gave much thought to, was just the ability to come home and have someone to talk to. You never realize how much you miss having someone to relate your daily happenings to, until you don’t have that person.

This got me to thinking. If I’m that lonely (and mind you, I’m someone who actually enjoys being regularly alone) how must my wife feel, being in a foreign country, not having her friends or her husband readily around, and not being able to talk about her deep feelings to someone because she has yet to make that kind of connection with someone? Well, as you can expect, it's been tougher on her than it has been on me. I’m fortunate enough to at least have my friends around, and somewhat readily available, if not in person, at least in the same time zone, where I can contact them without fear of interrupting their sleep.

One thing I’ve always found, when I have gone through my brief periods of alone time, is that my natural tendency is to isolate myself. I tend to pull inwards for some time, and take that time to reflect on how things are going, how am I going to handle my next task, and other miscellaneous things that have no rational connections in my mind (I’m just weird that way). I’m pretty sure most people aren’t like that though. In fact, from what I have experienced with my wife, I can say fairly certainly that this behavior is not normal in the least. I believe that most people crave social interaction, and when denied that interaction, things can go a little wonky. I’m sure many of you have heard of people who literally went insane from being isolated for too long. So how is one supposed to deal with it? If you’re forced into a situation where you are alone for some time, what do you do in order to combat the crazies?

Well, since this is my blog, I’ll tell you what I do/have done/would do in a situation like that. Currently, I spend a fair amount of time thinking about my daily activities. I like to be sure that I know what needs to be done the next day, so that no surprises come and smack me in the head when I least expect it. That takes up a fair chunk of my time, not to mention I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so I also spend a lot of time thinking up scenarios on how to deal with situations if things should go wrong. If nothing else, it’s an exercise for the mind, so it doesn’t grow completely stagnant and useless. Then, when that’s all done, I’ll spend time planning some type of social interaction, assuming there is something available. It could be hours, days, or weeks in advance, but it keeps my mind active, and gives me something to look forward to. That’s a big thing, having something that you want to do in the future, so you’re not too stuck in the here and now. Finally, I try to discover new things, whether it’s finding something interesting to read, trying to learn something that I didn’t know how to do before, or wandering around the city, finding places to relax. This can fill a great deal of time, and it’s rewarding, because when you’re not alone, you can bring that special someone with you to those places.

This is in great contrast to how it used to be when I was feeling lonely or isolated. I used to lament about the lack of activity in my life, complain about how I didn’t have any friends, trying really hard to make new friends in places that weren’t really conducive to it, and generally refusing to participate in things because I felt like no one really cared whether or not I was there because I felt rejected or ignored. I had this notion that I should matter to people, and if I did matter to them, they’d want to see me, so naturally, I should have a busy social calendar. Man, was that ever self-defeating. If you’ve ever heard of the term “self fulfilling prophecy”, then you can see where that led me. If you haven’t, basically it just means the more you believe in something, the more likely it will happen. In my case, I thought no one wanted to spend time with me, so I interacted with people with that mindset. I would be too needy, or too clingy, or too something, which would naturally drive people away. Hell, there are still moments that I do this, where I really, really, want to spend time with someone, and instead of just making plans for some future date, I pester them until they agree to meet me as soon as possible, which in turn would cause them to give me excuses as to why they couldn’t be there, which in turn made me pester them more, and etc. etc. ad nauseam ad infinitum. You can drive people away really fast when you’re trying to get closer to them. This can especially happen when you’re in a situation where you’re not familiar with your surroundings, or the people around you.

So that leads to the question, “So, how do you handle that situation now?” I think I’ve gotten better at dealing with being alone now. As I illustrated above, I handle it by focusing more on me. I enjoy being alone now, because it gives me time with my thoughts. However, that may not always be the best thing for some people. So how would I go about meeting new people in a new setting? Well, first of all, I’d make sure that I’d keep myself pretty busy with things. Not to the point of seeming unavailable, but to keep myself occupied, so I wouldn’t really have all that much time to think about how lonely I might be feeling. However, it’s inevitable that you’ll feel isolated if you just keep to yourself, doing your own thing all the time, so it’s important to get out there. The trick is to get out there, do your own thing, but do it around people. I know that sounds really strange, but just stick with me on this. If you’re out and about, you’re bound to come into contact with people. It’s just natural that if you’re outdoors, you will enter into an area surrounded by people. If you’re doing something you enjoy on your own, and if you’re doing it outdoors, you will likely run into someone who enjoys doing the same thing as you do, as long as you go to an area where the things you do are generally done (if anyone needs clarification on that last sentence, please comment, because just rereading it, I got a little dizzy). As long as you’re enjoying what you’re doing, you can’t lose, and if someone begins talking to you about it because they like it too, then you already have common ground on which to begin a relationship.

The important thing at this point though is to not care what the other person thinks of you. If you don’t click right away, then leave it be. The biggest mistake one can make is to feel the need to be liked, because that just reeks of desperation, and others can see that. People are always drawn to others who are confident in themselves, because (and correct me if I’m wrong) most people aren’t all that confident to begin with. There’s always something that people worry over, and they carry it around with them. Also remember, that if you don’t click with someone, realize that the person might not even be someone you’d want to click with. Not everyone is a winner, and you might have just avoided a huge pitfall.

Somehow, this ended up being a self-help blog entry, which isn’t what I normally do, but I think it’s important that people realize, you’re not alone out there when you’re feeling lonely. We live in a world where people are surrounded by millions of others, and yet still feel like they’re the only person in the world. We are social creatures by nature, and we all need some interaction, but the best way to overcome that feeling is just to be at peace with yourself. As long as your mind is occupied, and kept in shape, things will happen accordingly. People who seek attention and companionship rarely ever seem to find it. Those who seek self-improvement draw others to them, because people want to find out how you’re doing it. Everyone wants to improve, and if they can learn from you, all the better for the both of you.

Let's get this started...

I find myself in need of an outlet of a lot of buildup in my brain, so I figured this would be the place to put it. I view the world through my own unique lens, and I think to some degree, it might actually be interesting to share with others what is going on in my head. I am not so arrogant as to believe that what goes on in my head is in any way the "right" way to view things: I think that anyone who believes they have the only correct point of view is both a pompous moron, and likely are about as wrong as you can get. However, I do think sharing my thoughts can be at best a practice in expanding one's point of view, and at least a cathartic release for my own addled mind.

It will be at times rambling, at times deathly serious, at times sarcastic, and at times outright funny (I hope). I will try my best to at least keep it interesting (I hope). Much of it will concern philosophical thinking, other times it will deal with current events, and occasionally, it will deal with something funny that just crossed my mind. I don't really know where this will end up going, or honestly how often I'll update, but I think I will be keeping up with this one more than any of my previous attempts. If you're so inclined, feel free to comment, whether good or bad, all opinions are welcome (as long as you're not rude) and if nothing else, let me know if there's anything in particular you're curious about. Anyway, on with the show...