I am now officially two weeks away from closing out my life in New York (for the time being) and beginning a completely new one in Japan. I will basically be starting over from scratch over there. A new language, a new locale, a new society; really, just a whole lot of new. The only source of comfort through all of this will be my loving wife. I have to admit… I’m kinda scared shitless.
After a process that took several months, I finally came to the decision to go to Japan. While I’m glad to finally have come to a decision, all of the steps that led to the decision were kind of disappointing. When you learn that you’re basically at the end of the line when it comes to your career, it’s a blow to your ego. However, with this revelation, I get to have a fresh start, and maybe this time, find something that I’ll actually enjoy, instead of something I’m just good at which doesn’t require any brain work on my part.
That’s really the whole point behind this massive change in my life. I have to admit, I’ve been pretty unhappy with my professional life for some time now. While I was briefly reenergized by the possibility of moving up to a management position, I ended up pretty deflated once that fell through. That was the pin that finally popped the balloon that was my life in the IT field. I honestly don’t think I’ll go back to it. Never say never, because you don’t know what kind of situation you’ll be in, but I think I’ll be much happier finding something that will fit with my sensibilities (if not my talents) a little bit better.
However, with the excitement of starting anew, must also come the dread of leaving the comfortable. I have had a life in NYC for 29 years now. I have never lived outside of its borders. I have visited multiple countries while living here, and I’ve experienced multiple cultures thanks to that, but nothing quite prepares you for leaving the nest, so to speak, and having to reestablish yourself in a place where everything is foreign, and you’re not very confident in your own abilities to adapt.
There is a lot to be done over the next stage of my life. A new language to learn, a new home to build (in the sense of feeling comfortable, not actually putting together lumber to form a shelter… although that might be fun), new friends to make, and a new profession to find. That last one is probably the thing that worries me the most. I’ve never been able to figure out what I would like to do. I know what I CAN do, what I’m good at, but I’m not sure I ever really liked it. I’ve spent so much time being frustrated by the job that I’ve had, that I can’t be sure that my lack of motivation to find something else is due to lack of inspiration, or lack of time to really think about it.
Fortunately, (and I’m damn lucky to have her) my wife has decided that I shall not have to kill myself looking for work as soon as I land. She wants me to take some time off to clear my head, think about what I enjoy in life, and see what I can do to pursue that end of things. It will be a strange place to be, because I’ve been working nearly robotic like for the better part of the last 10 years. The last 3 years especially, I’ve been working for far too long and far too hard for far too little gain. It’s time I change that… and this will hopefully be the catalyst to do such a thing.
It’s a huge step, and one I’m not sure I’m really prepared to take. However, how many people can say they’re really ready for any huge life changes? Those who are, are people I envy, because I wish I knew how they did it. Me… I’m just going to wing it and see what happens. Hopefully, everything will turn out all right.
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