Digging Out

I’m not sure how common it is for people out there, but I go through somewhat regular bouts of depression.  Nothing medically diagnosed, but just times where I feel like there’s very little to care about.  People have been asking me lately how I’ve been, and the majority of the time, it’s some level of depressed.  This is probably a problem. 

I’ve always just sort of accepted depression as a part of life.  I’ve never been one to have high highs, so I kind of go through plains and valleys.  Not very many peaks.  There’s no logical reason for it.  It’s not like someone I cared for has died recently (although there’s still question, at least in my own head, over how I have handled the deaths of certain loved ones, regardless of how much time has passed), or there’s anything particularly negative about my life.  I have great friends, a good family, an incredible wife, and a job that I tolerate for the most part.  Funks just seem to hit me.

It always makes me wonder though, how people handle their depression.  For the most part, I try to slog through it, trying to some degree to intellectualize the situation away.  There is a proverb that I’m sure many of you have heard, stating “This too shall pass.”  I try to approach these down periods with this in mind, since I know that invariably, something will come along to lift me out of the doldrums.  But even as mild as my depressions may be, it’s still difficult to climb out of that hole that you basically dig for yourself.  You’re more likely to dig yourself deeper, and a lot of the ways that people try to cheer you up may only serve to make it worse in the long term.

When you try to distract yourself from depression, you only serve to delay the emotions tied to it.  At best, you forget about it an move on, not really dealing with the whys and the whats.  At worst, the distraction only serves to drive you further down into the pit.  Most examples of this particular mode of distraction lies in vices.  Drinking, drugs, gambling, sex, etc etc.  The only real way to combat depression is to find the root cause, and confront it.

Of course, this is easier said than done.  How many people have rational and logical depressions?  How many people actually know what’s making them feel like crap?  I’m just speaking for myself, but when I’m down, it’s nearly always this vague feeling of unease, it’s rarely a concrete reason.  Something inside is restless, and aggravated, and can’t seem to find relief in expression or action, no matter how much time you may spend trying to find an answer to why. 

I consider myself a pretty introspective guy, but depression sort of mutes everything.  Thinking gets muddled, senses are dulled, and the enjoyment that you once had for things lessens greatly.  You have a hard time seeing what might be right in front of you, which only serves to perpetuate the depression. 

So what can be done?  I won’t presume to tell you what’ll work for you, but I’ve tried a whole bunch of stuff for myself, and some of it worked, some of it was pointless.  I’ve tried the whole drinking route.  Short-lived, because the momentary euphoria I felt during the drunken spell was quashed quite handily by the following morning hangover.  There have been times where I was self-destructive, trying stupid things to get myself out of a funk, to feel alive, and while that momentary rush may have been enjoyable, when I look back on it, it was pretty stupid. 

I’ve tried therapy, and there was some aid in that, because it got me to examine myself in ways I hadn’t thought of before.  There was some catharsis there, but it was a double-edged sword.  While it may have brought some clarity any current situations, it also brought up questions about past situations, and while they may be in the past, it puts them in a new light, which may affect current relationships.  Doesn’t happen that way for everyone, but it did for me.

The only thing that has worked consistently for me has always been time with friends.  Time to sit, and talk, and just know that there are people out there who truly care for your well-being.  People who want to be there for you, to make sure you don’t suffer alone.  I’ve been fortunate that I’ve had friends who have put up with my many bouts of depression, who are willing to humor my endless rhetorical questions.  Sure, there may be times that they’ve expressed severe frustration with me, but they only spoke truthfully to me, and at the end of the day, that’s all I really need. 

There is also a lot to be said about helping others in need during times when you’re feeling alone and isolated.  I don’t mean you have to go out and save the world, but I always get a little boost when I give someone a helping hand.  It’s temporary, but there’s nothing at all negative about helping someone, so you’re at least spreading what joy you can.  Sometimes it can help put your life in perspective, or at the very least, you can feel appreciated for that one moment. 

I think one of the biggest problems that we face on a regular basis is that we tend to take life for granted.  Not everyone mind you, and those people who don’t live some pretty amazing lives, but for a lot of us, I think we just assume that there will be a tomorrow, so we sort of end up putting off feeling good for another day, because it’s just too hard.  It takes effort to be happy, mainly cause when you’re feeling down, it takes so much effort to get yourself out of it.  Staying happy is also pretty difficult, because it just seems like sometimes, the entire world is out to ruin your day.  There have definitely been days where I just felt like everything I did only ended up with me being more miserable than when I started the day.  It’s times like that where I really have to stop myself, and try to remember, “Nothing lasts forever.  Make sure to spend your energy enjoying your good moments, and not waste energy on the bad ones."  It still takes great effort, but at least it’s energy spend wisely.