Tomorrow marks my return to the workforce. It’s been over four years since I was last gainfully employed. It has been a surreal experience to have been away for so long, and even stranger to be able to go back to what is essentially a promotion from my former position, despite the large gap in time. I’m definitely excited, but the weird thing is, while I think I should be nervous, it isn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I suppose the experiences I’ve had these past four years has changed me more than I realized.
Prior to starting anything new, whether it was a new job, a new hobby, or just anything that would cause even the slightest amount of pressure, I’d be a complete wreck in the days leading up to whatever it was I was going to do. I’d routinely be unable to sleep until the wee hours of the morning, I’d feel butterflies in my stomach, and I’d be worried about completely screwing up and making a complete mess of things. Now… I just feel like I’m going back to the office after a long weekend.
There might be a couple of things in play. One, is that I’m basically returning to my old job, I was fortunate enough to be able to go back to my old place of employment and find a job that was a perfect fit for me. While I won’t be working with the original group of guys that I was with, I’ll still be in the same general building as them. Being in familiar surroundings definitely helps. It also helps that I know basically everyone that I’ll be working with from before as well, and they’ve always proven to be incredibly supportive. It was their faith in me from before that helped me to get the job in the first place, so it makes me feel like I have someone at my back.
The second thing is that after having been a stay at home dad for a couple of years, I don’t think there’s a lot of things that would phase me anymore. When you someone else’s life is in your hands, and they’ve grown up to be a happy and healthy child, it kind of shows that you can be capable of anything, no matter how unprepared you think you might be. Juggling the myriad number of things required to take care of a child, keep the house in order, make sure everyone is fed, and keeping yourself from going crazy really gives your ability to multi-task a good workout.
The only thing I’m worried about is the possible bad habits I’ve picked up from not having to deal with adults on a regular basis. You can get used to speaking to kids in a certain way, and that normally passes over to how you speak to your spouse or significant other. Avoid enough adult contact, and your day to day conversation can sound pretty strange. I just hope I don’t suddenly announce that I have to use the potty in the middle of a conversation with a colleague.
Also having to wake up in the morning. It’s different when you’re woken up by your kid and you groggily take the time to prepare breakfast, or clean up a mess. It’s another thing to have to commute to the office, and figure out some technical problem when your brain is in a haze. My sleep schedule has been kind of screwy lately, especially with being away from my family for the last two months. A lot of late nights and late mornings. I’m hoping I can settle into a regular diurnal mode of sleeping, just to avoid being a total zombie for the first few hours of the day.
Aside from all of that though, it is a return to what could be considered a more traditional configuration for a family. I’ll be working while my wife will be home with the kids. While I was happy with the time I had with my daughter, and the time at the beginning with my son, I’m glad I finally have the opportunity to going back to a situation that is ultimately more comfortable for me. I like planning things and having them come together under my direction. I like getting a paycheck twice a month. I like feeling like I’m contributing the way I’m comfortable contributing. You can call it old-fashioned, or patriarchal, but honestly, I think it just works better for our family unit. At least I sure hope it does. Time will tell.
On that note, tomorrow promises to be an interesting day. First day back in the saddle. Here’s to hoping it leads to greater things.
