Since the heinous crime perpetrated by Elliot Rodger, I’ve been seeing a lot of articles and Youtube rants on misogyny, specifically the concept of masculinity and how it’s wielded as sort of a weapon against women. It got me to thinking about how strange it is to be a male human, and yet by the definition set forth by what passes for typical masculinity, I don’t really qualify as a “man”.
I am not physically aggressive; I neither hide nor hide from my emotions; I believe whole-heartedly in equality for women; I don’t view women as objects to be won as if they were some sort of reward that is entitled to me; I do not have a domineering personality; I am not physically imposing; I am well aware of what I fear and will freely admit it, and a whole list of things that honestly would have a stereotypical “man” look at me and question if I’m actually a guy at all.
The type of thinking that has men trying to validate their masculinity leads mainly to violence and harm. Being a ‘roided out monster who represses their emotions in order to “man up,” and who only see women as sexual objects who exist purely to satisfy their physical needs has somehow become the new standard for which men should strive. The type of man who will stop at nothing to get what he wants, even when that involves hurting someone, raping someone, or just plain being a humongous dick to everyone around them, and somehow this is meant to be a goal for all men?
I understand how that might have been the case back in prehistoric days. Where your size equaled your ability to survive out in the harsh world. Even then, women were still revered, because their ability to bring life into the world was considered something special. Anthropological findings have long since dispelled the myth of men cracking their women over the head with a club in order to mate, and yet, it seems the men of today still see that as a lesson to be learned. If you can’t get what you want, brute force and ignorance will get you there.
It’s time that way of thinking is changed. We need to redefine what makes a man, a man. A modern man, who isn’t judged based on how many women he’s slept with, or how much weight he can lift, or how much money or material goods he is able to obtain. I’ll try to put together a list that I think is appropriate and you can feel free to add or subtract the things that make sense to you.
First and foremost, a real man should take responsibility for his actions. Men are self-aware, sentient creatures, or at least we’re supposed to be, so any decisions that they make should have some thought behind them. There should no longer be an excuse of “boys ill be boys” whenever they do something wrong. A member of the Indian government recently said “Boys will be boys, they make mistakes” in regards to rape. People like this should be hung up by their toes and beaten like a pinata. ( I said I wasn’t physically aggressive, it doesn’t mean I’m violence free 
) If you are a real man, and you bring harm to someone, then you have to take responsibility and pay for your crimes.
Of course, if you were a real man, you wouldn’t harm people for no good reason anyway, which brings me to my second point. A real man would protect those who need protecting, whether or not they’re physically weaker than you, vulnerable, or just in a worse off place than you are at the time. A real man cares for his fellow man, and would hate to see harm come to them if he could do something to prevent it.
A real man would not be afraid to show his emotions. He would be smart enough to realize that repressing your emotions to not appear weak to others only makes things worse for themselves. Holding all of that in only leads to more internal pressure, and anyone who knows anything about that knows that eventually cracks will appear, and then a giant kaboom will follow. A real man deals with his problems in the best way that he can so that he can resume a healthy life, where he can enjoy his time with loved ones fully.
A real man should be flexible enough to do whatever the situation demands for his family. If you, as the man, have to stay home and be a house husband and a stay at home dad because that’s what is needed, then that’s what you do. I’m not saying you can’t complain, because holding in that sort of resentment toward your spouse will only lead to marital woes, but at the same time, if it needs to be done, then you have to put in your best effort. It is just another challenge that needs to be taken on, and a real man is always ready for a challenge.
A real man treats people with respect, but knows that respect has to be earned. No matter your race, gender, sexual orientation, or tax bracket, a real man would treat you as he would want to be treated, as a human being. He wouldn’t judge you based on things outside of your control, and he wouldn’t be quick to make judgments based on first impressions. He knows that life is not made up only of his experiences, and that everyone has hardships that he may never have gone through.
And finally, a real man doesn’t feel entitled to anything. He knows he has to work for what he deserves, and even then he might not get it. However, he’s grateful for what he has and isn’t resentful of those who may have more. He knows that life is what you make of it, and that it is his job to make his life mean something to him.
It’s not a very long list, but just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy. To strive to be a better man, or more accurately, a better person, should be the goal of everybody on this planet, regardless of who or where you are. Your job should be to improve the world around you, not to grab everything for yourself and claim power over all.
Having written all that, I can’t say that I match all of those requirements for what I consider to be a real man. However, I think those goals are something worth striving for, because they bring no harm to anyone, and only serve to better yourself and those around you. Maybe I’m wrong, and there’s a component in the list that could potentially cause problems, but instead of looking for the cracks, how about first considering the positive spin on it first. And if you have other things to add, leave them in the comments. I’m always working to be a better person, and there may be things that I might not have considered. Taking into consideration an outside perspective is also an important part of being a real man, because a real man knows that they don’t know everything.
