Breaking format once again because I have just recently seen the latest Spider-Man movie, and despite everyone seeming to have loved it, I find myself hating it to no end. I’m beginning to think I’ve seen a different movie than everyone else, so I’ll just go on a point by point breakdown as to why this movie has absolutely rubbed me the wrong way. This contains major spoilers, so if you haven’t seen it yet, don’t read further than this, unless you’re the type to not care. If you either don’t care or have seen it, read on.
Some of these issues might seem nitpicky, but it’s everything as a whole that gets to me, so please wait until the end to bash me.
The first issue I had with the movie is that Uncle Ben and Aunt May are pretty much useless. They never really establish what kind of relationship Peter has had with them, thereby nullifying any sort of reason for him to have as deep a motivation to BE Spider-Man as he has in either the comics or even the previous set of movies. Aunt May is a pointless background character at best, who first is a helpless woman who needs to be sheltered (picked up from a train station in NYC when you live in Queens? Really?) who basically gets shouted down by Uncle Ben when she tries to defend herself, then an ineffectual harpie after Uncle Ben is killed. Even at the end, she’s pointless and contradictory, because after Peter comes home from the beatdown he takes at the hands of the Lizard, covered in cuts and bruises and with a gunshot wound to the leg, she suddenly decides to just hug him instead of wonder why he’s coming home so completely beat up, as if buying her the eggs he was supposed to get earlier suddenly clears up any questions. They had an incredibly ordinary, and boring relationship, and not something that would have inspired anyone to be a hero. It would have been simple enough to do. Instead of having Uncle Ben either yelling at him, or lecturing him over the phone, they just had to have some moments where Uncle Ben was caring and understanding, instead of frustrated at Peter’s typical teenage angst. It would have shown how different they were as his caretaker, instead of a perfectly ordinary family unit. They did this really well in the Ultimate Spider-Man series, which this movie had quite a few elements from.
The next problem is with Peter. Just Peter as a whole. I never felt they established what kind of genius he was. They failed at this in the first movie too, because they gave him organic web shooters, but with all the hype of him having mechanical ones in this movie, I thought they would finally give him the chance to show off his brains. This was never really the case. They showed him to have some mechanical engineering abilities, shown at only one point in the movie with that stupid push button wireless bedroom door bolt that just shows more that he’s lazy than intelligent. From that we’re supposed to extrapolate that he’s smart enough to build a miniaturized extrusion device for a previously unseen and untested material? Speaking of that unseen and untested material, he didn’t make it. He orders it. FROM OSCORP! Does no one else see the problem here? He’s completely reliant on his future nemesis (not that he knows this of course) on one of his most important tools as Spider-Man. Also, as it is called Biocable, this stuff is never meant to dissolve. Which means that he’s leaving his webbing just about everywhere. Considering this material is developed and sold only be one company (I won’t get into how Peter was even able to get his hands on the stuff, considering all prototype material is either never for sale or is prohibitively expensive) it will be easily traceable. This will lead to the discovery of his identity by anyone willing to put in the time to look which is likely half of NY. Speaking of his identity…
Anyone else noticed he was whipping his mask off every few minutes? Once to save that kid, and a few times just to see better. Whatever happened to trying to keep his secret identity? This was central to Peter’s character in order to protect his loved ones. He goes around whipping off his mask and putting his freaking name on a camera that he was using to take pictures of his fight with Lizard… and we’re supposed to believe he’s smart?
Not to mention the reveal of his identity to Gwen for no reason then to get some tail. He struggles briefly with telling this girl he’s never even been on a date with his biggest secret, then webs her butt and basically sexually assaults her. Don’t believe me? Look at her face after she gets webbed, and watch how she pulls away when he tries to kiss her the first time. He follows that up by saying “Shut up” and forces his mouth on her. If you say “but she wanted it” then congratulations… you’ve just uttered the line of every rapist on Earth. Ask yourself, if some dude who has been shown was able to pick up cars and dodge bullets forced himself on you, would you be able to refuse? And this wasn’t the only time. When he sneaks into her room after his fight with Lizard in the sewers, after surviving a fight to the death with a giant reptilian monster, his only desire is to make out with this girl. Again she pulls away, and again he pushes himself on her. This is not Peter Parker, this is a stupid horny teenager with powers.
That’s generally the problem I have with him. In the comics, Peter has always been shown to have this incredible sense of morality and responsibility. He would struggle with the desire to be a normal teenager and this need to be a hero, but his responsibility would always win out. However, in this movie, he always takes the selfish way. He reveals his identity to this girl he likes, he only chases criminals that match the description of the guy who murdered his uncle (not to mention he never actually captures him) and he basically says he’s going to break the promise he made to a dying man because he would rather just be with the girl he loves, not caring about the amount of danger he’s going to put her in. People complained about the lack of humor in the first movie, and that Tobey Maguire always played Peter like he was about to cry. While Spider-Man’s sense of humor has improved a bit in this movie, they completely missed who Peter Parker is. They went too far in the opposite direction, making him stay in his Spider-Man persona the entire time. The appeal of Spider-Man to me has always been that while he’s funny, he always took his responsibilities seriously, to the point of detriment.
Some other minor nitpicky things that just put me over the edge is that Peter’s physique never changed from before he go bit to after. He was always portrayed as a 98 lb weakling before the bite, then he gained some acrobatic like muscles. Again, this was portrayed very well in Ultimate Spider-Man. In the movie, no visual difference, except he wears a t-shirt at the end of the movie to show off his muscles. Also, while the action scenes were good, the movie seemed to render his spider-sense completely useless. The only time it ever seemed to come in handy was when he was in school to prevent being bullied. The Lizard snuck up on him in the sewer, he got tazed when he turned the corner and the helicopter took him by surprise, and he took a bullet wound from a single cop shooting at him with a handgun. I can maybe forgive the tazer incident because he was preoccupied by being shot at from 100 directions, but the other incidents basically said he doesn’t have a functioning spider-sense. Also, the costume was horrible. I hate how they keep changing iconic costumes. They showed with the first set of movies that the costume works on screen. Their reason for changing it, ostensibly to make it look like he actually made it, but in that regard, they failed. There is no way in hell a high school teenager could have made that outfit. They had one scene with him sewing together the mask, and he didn’t even have proper sewing technique. Finally, never in the entire movie was the most important phrase ever uttered. They sort of talked around it, with the whole “moral responsibility” lecture Uncle Ben gave Peter before he died, but we never heard “With great power, comes great responsibility.” Not a major issue, but it just felt wrong without that line.
All in all, the movie was a disappointment to me. There were too many glaring problems that I couldn’t ignore. It’s a fun action movie, the fight scenes are nice, and there are some genuinely funny moments… but it wasn’t Spider-Man. Not really. It will do well because it will appeal to all the casual fans, but to me, it will never be right. This sits up there with Ang Lee’s Hulk as a failed attempt at an iconic hero because they focused on the wrong aspect.
