Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Thursday, September 12, 2013

A State of Disbelief

This particular entry is written as a sort of response to many of the posts that I see on a regular basis from my friends who have faith.  While I doubt they mean to offend anyone, repeated postings of items that state that without God, there is little meaning to life, or that without God, I am not a good person, or any number of such statements can be taken a bit personally for someone who doesn’t believe.

I’m not sure I’ve ever made this entirely clear, but I am, in fact, an atheist.  I used to be agnostic, but as time went on, I felt a stronger pull away from the idea that there’s some omnipotent being that had some hand in creating everything, and is now watching over us and protecting us.  Science has always been something I’ve trusted and relied on, due to evidence and the ability to back up the claims that it does make, and the ability to admit when it makes mistakes, and continues to search for the correct answer.  It appeals to the analytical part of my mind, which admittedly, makes up a lion’s share of my thought process.

Anyway, here’s the problem.  Because of my atheism, it bothers me when people imply that I am not a good person because I don’t believe in a god.  The majority of the time, it’s in relation to the Judeo-Christian god.  Quotes from the Bible that proselytize, and admonish those who are non-believers regularly take up residence on my newsfeed, and memes from pages that extoll the virtues of being a believer or claim some sort of disability of the mind if you aren’t a believer flash across my face more times than I care to remember.  I know that not all of my religious friends are guilty of this, and I’m not writing this to place any blame, or to tell them to stop.  They have every right to express their faith in any way they care to.  I fully believe in the right to religion, and the freedom of speech, as long as there are no words of hate being spewed where religion is the justification for that type of action. 

However, I do feel I have to say something.  My being a good person is not dependent on what god I believe in.  My ability to do good is neither hindered nor helped by what faith I do or do not have.  I choose to do good things, and try to generally be a positive influence on the world around me because I think it is the right thing to do.  That belief comes from a life filled with the love of friends and family who have shown me that doing good is a reward in itself, and not due to an external influence.  I am not doing good to reach some vaunted afterlife, nor do I believe that doing good in this life will make things better for me after I die.  I believe that the life I have now is the only one I’ll ever have, and that I must use it to the best of my abilities to bring positivity to the world, which means the life that I have is the most important life I’ll ever get.  I have never needed the threat of punishment to understand that doing good is much better, by an order of magnitude, than doing bad. 

That being said, here comes the problem with being an atheist.  When the conversation of why you don’t believe in a god comes up, especially when speaking to someone who is passionate about their beliefs, the conversation inevitably comes around to the reasons why religion makes no sense to an atheist.  It will always seem like an attack, because you have to question the other person’s belief system.  It will tend to make the faithful think that atheists believe all people of religion are gullible and stupid, because an atheist will repeatedly punch holes and bring up contradictions within any religious belief system.  This is precisely why an atheist is an atheist, but to the faithful, all of those questions are answered by their faith, and that if the atheist would just believe, there would be no reason to ask the questions.  This, I believe, is the major impasse between the two groups.

This brings me to one of the reasons why I have been slightly hesitant to full out declare my atheism.  Much of the time I did any research into the atheist culture, I regularly run into smug, pretentious, overbearing people who believe that atheism is the only way to go, and that those who believe are moronic because of their faith.  Routinely, I have seen statements made that are made to ridicule people for their beliefs, and attacking the faithful for no other reason than to make the originator of that attack feel superior.  They try their best to make religion seem as ridiculous as possible, by condensing an entire belief system into silly imagery, or making it sound as outlandish as possible.  The majority of the hate is directed at Christianity, as that is the predominant religion in the world, especially in the US, so there are routinely references to “Zombie Jesus” or the justification of horrendous acts due to “God’s will”.  The only thing this serves to do is make people hate atheists, as it’s not the lack of belief that bothers people, but because the atheists come across as pompous jackasses. 

Here’s the thing for me when it comes to all of this belief vs non-belief stuff.  I chose to be an atheist because there isn’t enough evidence for me to believe there is a god, of any religion.  I do not understand faith because I simply don’t.  Those who have faith have a hard time understanding those without.  Both sides believe the answer is right in front of the other as long as they’d just look, but unfortunately, neither side sees the same thing.  As much as atheists aren’t terrible people because they don’t believe in a god, the same can be said for people of religion just because horrible things have been done in the name of a god.  Horrible things are always done with a justification, and religion is the easiest scapegoat, because it’s always easier to go “I’m doing this because I got orders from above” and not because the person doing it is a raging asshole.  If it wasn’t religion, it would’ve been something else, and then whatever that something else would’ve been blamed for the troubles of the world. 

There has been a lot of good done in a god’s name, I’d dare say much more good than bad.  However, there has been just as much good done for the sake of doing good.  All I care about is the fact that good is being done, regardless of the reasoning behind it.  Ultimately, caring for your fellow man, and not being a selfish, greedy prick, is a good place to start for being a good person.  What leads you to that decision doesn’t matter, as long as you do it.  I just hope people can understand that before it gets to be too late. 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Spare Some Change?

As always when nighttime hits, no matter what part of the world I’m in, my brain starts to churn, so I guess it’s once again time to spew my thoughts out so I can attempt to get some sleep…

I have been in Japan for over 3 months now, and I am finding it very hard to adjust.  I’ve gotten into the habit of spending all of my available time (time not spent with my wife or doing house chores) with my friends back in the States.  From the moment I wake up and help my wife exit the door to get to work, until the moment she comes back, I sit in front of my laptop and my PS3, and spend the entire time on Skype playing DC Universe Online with one of my closest friends.  I have become a worst type of stereotypical gamer geek. 

Routinely, I spend near 8 hours or more a day playing this game, and I find that this is the most enjoyable thing that I have to do all day.  Bullshitting with my friends, having the feeling of no responsibility, and just vegging out has become my life now.  The amazing thing is that my wife allows all of this, and most times without any complaint.  I’m either very lucky to have such an understanding wife, or I’m just so pathetic, no one really gives a crap about what I do anymore.

Internally, I am bothered by my behavior.  The motivation to get off my ass and do something productive with my time is gnawing at me in the back of my head.  However, I find it virtually impossible to heed this call, and instead, I just slump back onto the sofa, banging away on the PS3 controller, and stay within that rather limited comfort zone.  I find myself making excuses to myself about when I’ll actually get to the point where I’ll start actually doing something.  “One more quest” or “just a few more minutes” has become my mantra.  What the hell is happening to me?

It’s been said that a person will cleave to an MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online) game because it offers a false sense of accomplishment when the person feels that they aren’t doing anything of substance with their actual life.  I believe that description is apropos when it comes to me.  I feel absolutely worthless now, and I don’t know how to get out of that rut.  I know intellectually what I have to do (begin studying Japanese, involve myself more with the community in some way, bear down and really start training on my guitar, some form of physical activity to maintain or improve my fitness level) but I’m in a place mentally where I start things in fits and starts, and ultimately flame out before I even begin. 

This got me to thinking… am I turning into my father?  Yeah, I know that’s a random thought to have, but stick with me here for a moment.  My father was in a similar situation.  He ended up moving to a country he never really wanted to go to, and he did it for the sake of his family.  However, the entire time he was there, he complained about it, and longed for the day that he would return to his home country.  He never bothered to learn the language, he never really made any friends, and he never took advantage of the opportunities that lay before him.  This had always bothered me about him, and here I am doing basically the exact same thing.  The problem is that while I am aware of the parallels, how does one go about actively breaking the cycle?

It’s one thing to say “You do it by doing it.”  It’s another thing entirely to actually do it.  Lame excuses are easy to come up with, and easier to stick to, since the only person you have to convince is yourself.  Everyone around you can see how lame you’re being, but most will be too nice to tell you.  Those that do tell you will trigger a defensive response, and you end up alienating everyone around you, especially the ones who care enough about you to not let things just lie. 

So what to do?  The answers are right in front of my face, but how do I go about doing it?  How do you motivate yourself to do something when you’re too stubborn to take your own advice, least of all someone else’s?  Every day, I feel worse about myself, thinking how pathetic I’ve become, how sad of an existence I am leading right now.  Do I have to hit rock bottom before I pick myself up and begin that climb back to a better path?  Or is this just some downward spiral that ends with me miserable and alone because I’m too thick-headed to make the changes I need to in order to make a better life? 

No one else is in control of this except for me, and that’s what makes it hard.  I am stuck with my own faults and flaws, and it’s up to me to drag myself out of this hole I’ve dug for myself.  All the encouragement, support, reinforcement (positive or negative) mean nothing when the subject is too wrapped up in his own head to accept it and move on.  People have gotten tired of hearing it, they’ve gotten tired of reading it, and honestly, I’m tired of saying it.  I just have to get tired of not doing anything about it… and for my own sake, and the sake of the people who care about me, that had better be soon. 

I won’t make false promises and say “I will now turn over a new leaf” and proceed to jump out there and immediately start changing my situation for the better.  I would be setting myself up for failure and disappointment.  All I’m really doing is acknowledging it right now… and self-help crap aside, it’s something that needs to be done before I can take that step.  Maybe if I just keep tabs on myself, and update my progress regularly enough, I can see for myself how far I’ve come… it’s something worth trying at any rate.  Posting a blog up every day though will be annoying.  Maybe twitter…